2008 AMA Superbike race report March 19th, 2008

    Have you ever been castigated for complaining too much? I have. Someone will say “Hey, why don’t you shut up. You think you’ve got it bad now? Well, it could be a whole hell of a lot worse”. My general reaction to hearing something like this is a strong desire to punch the preaching prick in the face. But you know what? Sometimes, they’re right, and now is one of those times.Daytona bike week, in all its glory as the 2-wheeled Mardi Gras, was in full swing. Daytona Beach was flooded with a gaggle of drunk rabble rousers looking to stir up a hornets nest of trouble. Loud music, loud parties, overflowing pubs, more recreational drug use than a Cypress Hill concert, and an atmosphere of total chaos. Sort of like spring break, except that instead of hot, bikini-wearing, college-aged coeds, we get bearded, beer-gutted, bleary eyed, middle-aged men on Harleys. Absolutely brilliant. So basically everything was proceeding as normal, until the Friday press conference.


    In recent years, saying that the AMA’s had some trouble running their race series was like saying that the Ilmores were a bit off the pace, or that Karolina Kurkova is sorta cute. Rubbish racing where one team always wins, rules that change faster than Lunatic Lorenzo’s mood, and manufacturers constantly threatening to pull out unless things get better. More chaos, ill-will and whining than an episode of Super Nanny. The AMA decided to fix all that by selling the rights to AMA Pro Racing to DMG, the Daytona Motorsports Group, led by Jim France, who just happens to be a member of the NASCAR inner circle. Here we go, cue up the “much wailing and gnashing of teeth” soundtrack. France’s partner in DMG is none other than Roger Edmondson, former head of AMA Pro Racing back in the glory days before it became the Yoshimura Suzuki follow the leader challenge.

    That’s right, to “fix” their ailing racing series, the AMA has handed the whole deal over to NASCAR insiders. The new overlords quickly announced that as of 2009 the great American motorcycle race, the Daytona 200, would once again be a Superbike race, and that their goal was to make sure nobody went to a racetrack already knowing who was going to win. That sounds pretty good. But then they added that they’ll be looking at the rules and deciding on their own just what constitutes a Superbike. I’m sure looking forward to oval track motorcycle road racing on 800 lb hardtail bikes equipped with pushrod V-twins that make Harleys look cutting edge. Boogity boogity boogity, let’s go racin’ boys! Damn karma, is this what we Americans get for twice electing George W Bush? Haven’t we repaid our debt already? Apparently not.

    If all that hubbub wasn’t enough, there was more drama on race day. Lots of it. It started with a delay for the Superbike race, which was scheduled to go off before the Daytona 200. The concrete walls of the highbanks at Daytona are a death trap to any rider unfortunate enough to go fall on that portion of the track, so they need to line them with air fencing in an attempt to make them appear safe (or at least to satisfy their insurance underwriters). Mother Nature had other plans, however, and ordered up some Texas Tornado-force winds to blow the safety measures off the track. Yeah, this was gonna blow, alright. So the Superbike race started late in the afternoon after the Daytona 200 was finished, but it turned out not to matter.

    On the starting grid was an ominous sign that this year’s AMA Superbike season may in fact give MotoGP and Boremula 1 a run for the title of world’s most unexciting racing series. The Yoshimura Suzuki team, which dominates the series like Britney Spears news dominates the tabloids, were lined up 1-2-3 on the starting line. Mladin, the geriatric convict, had taken pole from Ben “see you in the GP’s next season” Spies and Tommy “kissing cousin” Hayden. The rest of the grid order-who cares? They’ve got as much of chance of winning as Elliot Spitzer’s got at ever winning elected office again. That’s right, either Mladin or Spies is going to win this race as surely as a Hayden has 12 toes. The riders know it, the fans know it, and all that’s left is the mere formality of running the race to see which one prevails.

    They were on the line ready to go, and then the signal was given to start the race. Or no, it wasn’t. Oh, wait, yes it was! Confusion on the start notwithstanding, Mladin got the holeshot and led the race into turn one on his Yoshimura Suzuki checkered-flag seeking missile. Spies misjudged the start like MGPN’s readers misjudged Stoner’s ability before the start of last season, so he was mired back in 5th position. Young Tommy Hayden was hot on Mladin’s tail until he caught a glimpse of his cousin Large Marge going into the horseshoe. His concentration was briefly interrupted by the thought sequence “man, I’d hit that…wait a minute, I did hit that…..sloppy seconds after Roger Lee!” which caused the dim-witted bestiality fan to run wide and fall back a couple places. In the melee Spies was further delayed, but then got himself back up to 2nd in less time than it takes for Edwards to think up an excuse for yet another unimpressive finish.

    Meanwhile Mladin was making like a trip to the public library and checking out. He pulled a gap of about 2 seconds over the future great white hope of the Rizla Suzuki MotoGP team, and he wouldn’t relinquish it for the duration of the race. In 3rd place and doing his best impersonation of the Unabomber was Jason Di Salvo on the factory Yamaha, sporting a beard that would make a lumberjack jealous. Duhamel crashed his Honda out of 8th place, making his day (and Honda’s) as much of a failure as Ellison’s career. Few things can bring a warm feeling of joy and well being to my heart than when misfortune strikes Honda.

    E-Boz, on the other Yamaha, pulled into the pits with a mechanical issue, and his race was over like Rossi’s hope of ever regaining the title from Adriana’s husband. Pressed as to what happened, Bostrom admitted that he’d deliberately cooked the clutch looking for an excuse to exit the race and get out of sight, having been so utterly embarrassed by his brother Ben’s piss-poor job as a pit reporter during the previous race. Hodgson’s pace on the CBR was impressive, but he wicked it up a bit too much it seemed, as he ran off the track. Maybe he shouldn’t have had that 3rd pint before the start, or perhaps it was just a touch of that infamous British bad luck.

    Kawasaki test rider Akira “Shakira” Yanagawa was looking pretty sporty on the Kawasaki back in 11th place, and he was said to be collecting data to take back to the factory in Japan. I think the factory knows all it needs to about how to run at the back of the pack Yanagawa san, seems like your boys have gotten that down to a science. And to tell you the truth, not much happened after that. For the most part riders held their positions, following the F1 rulebook strictly forbidding any sort of overtaking or excitement. Mladin crossed the line for the 15th time to take the win, having lapped 12 of the 25 riders that started the race. If this race is any indication, everyone in AMA Superbike not named Mladin is going to be fighting for 3rd place behind Spies, as he had as much trouble winning this race as Biaggi has making enemies. Spies of course has a shot at the title, but his impending move to MotoGP, and his upcoming wildcard appearances in the 2 American rounds this season, has him more distracted than Rossi at a Chippendale’s show.

    So there you have it. In a performance that can only be described as soul-crushing for the competition, Monster Mat took the pole, led the entire race from flag to flag and took the win. See ya later Spies was the only one in the same area code, and Tommy Hayden, the red-headed stepchild of the dominant team, finished 4th behind Grizzly Adams Di Salvo. This season promises to be as exciting and suspenseful as a trip to the post office. Enjoy it while you can, though, because after the NASCAR crew takes over next season, I’ve got a feeling that we’ll be begging for racing as good as we’ve got it now. Farewell from your ever optimistic American correspondent, see you in a month for the next round at Barber.

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